fun times

We had the chance to go with our friends to Davenport/moline a couple weeks ago. We all had a blast. First we went to the John Deere Pavillion in Moline. The gift shop had nothing we couldn't live without. It was all overpriced any how! So matt and I ventured to the Pavillion, where they have the newest models of the tractor and also some antique models. Our friends joined in on the big dream of owning one of them someday. They had a kid corner, there you could milk a cow, color, watch a movie, or TRACTOR RACE! In which Matt and I are enjoying. This was fun to manage to adults behind a 3ft. by 4ft. section of plywood. We managed and it turned out really fun. Our next venture led us to The Machine Shed, where we enjoyed so good home cooking! The sign above the entrance said, " Farming is everyone's bread and butter." The waitress' wore red plaid shirts with overalls and a ball cap. They use mason jars for drinks. They had an old grocery store produce cooler for the salad bar. This place was awesome. The food, the people, the atomosphere, but i think the best part was outside the restraunt. They gave free tractor rides, although we didn't due to the cold, rainy weather. After this the day was about shopping. The overall trip was good but my favorite part was the dining experience. I think it may have topped Cracker Barrel for excitement but I wouldn't say the menu was as tasty nor the gift shop more endulding. Cracker Barrel you're still my number one!

My Birthday

My mom took Gavin and I out to eat at Applebee's for lunch. Then we all hung out together for the entire day. Mom took us home to get ready for the World of Outlaws race. When we arrived home, there was a cute birthday cake on the table from Matt's mom. She also gave me a picture that said Gavin, Casey, Matthew with Family really big behind our names. That was really nice. We dropped Gavin off at the sitter's house and we were off to the races. Matt's mom bought the V.I.P box, which was dumb, so we found our way to our box and watched the cars warm up. We saw Matt's favorite driver who has retired and went to the pits to find his trailer to get a shirt. The driver was Sammy Swindell. I purchased my shirt and had him autograph it. We were on our way back to the box when we ran into one of our friends who told us that Kasey Kayne was there with his driver. So, I wanted his autograph, then we ventured back towards where we just came from and I said, I dont know what he looks like! So we ran into a friend of Matt's side of the family and she grabbed her granddaughter who had already been to his trailer to show me where he was. I got his autograph and a picture taken with him. We went back to the box and watched the show. In the end his driver, Joey Saldana, won it all! What an awesome race, what an awesome night! This was just July 8th my actual birthday. Over the weekend we went to River Valley Campground to camp out and ride horses. It was fun, there was a ranch style rodeo fridday and saturday. I ran into my Aunt Glenna who we havn't seen for lots of years. Sunday we had an organized trail ride Glenna, her son Joe, his daughter Cierra, Matt, and I all rode together. It was fun. My weekend was left with a sore butt from the saddle, maroon sunburn on my shoulders and face, blister on my heel, and certainly exhausted. I also lost my cell phone somewhere! This year was an awesome birthday!

remembering the best woman

My grandma passed away a year ago on June 30th. I have been thinking a lot about her the last couple months and it has been hard. I feel I was in denial, the realization that she has been gone hasn't really hit me until about two months ago. I watched them close the casket and set her in the vault to be put in the ground. It was very hard watching someone you spent a lot of your summers with as a child into your teen years being buried. I went to her grave several times and it just never hit me. As I started thinking about it these last months, it sunk in, she IS gone! So I have been moody, depressed, and stressed. On June 30th, one whole year after, I went to Hy-Vee and purchased a beautiful bouquet of flowers. I set out to the cemetary with Gavin in the backseat. I arrived at the cemetary, and sat in the car looking at her grave for a while before i actually went to set the flowers out on her stone. Gavin was in the back seat laughing and talking. I wasn't interacting with him, just simply listening to him. As I walked over to the grave, I looked back at him and seen he was content still laughing and playing. I sat by her grave and talked to her, even though she wasn't there nor could respond, Gavin continued to talk to someone. I feel he saw her and was associating with her. Everyone else may find it crazy but I believe he sees her and talks to her. It was a hard experience to deal with but at least I know she is gone and I can face reality.

FEVER

I am ready to go riding. I went to visit lilly and all I had on my mind is saddle up! The sun was shining a couple days in a row last week and I had the fever. Saturday we went to a small town rodeo where there were men on horse back and it brought that fever into deep need. If only it won't rain this weekend maybe we can take a lil stroll around the block. All I need is a few minutes to brush off the winter and break her into the season.

Easter 2009

We went up to Winfield for our family Easters. We went to the Grelk's first so Gavin could meet his aunts, uncles, and cousins for the first time. Nick and Morgan were not too concerned about Gavin. They were more concerned about eating candy, going to the park, and having grandpa go supervise them riding bikes in the road. What we mean by grandpa riding a bike is riding grandmas scooter while the kids ride their bikes. Don't worry in the road doesn't sound as bad as it is. Winfield is a town if you blink you miss it. So honestly it is safe to ride your bike in the road. Gavin was very settle basically he slept most of the time we were visiting. Alyssa and Gavin's birthdays are five months and five days away.When Alyssa's mother held Gavin, she became quite jealous. Aunt Jen decided to get their picture together which will be their first.In which Alyssa decided to take out her frustrations on Gavin for sitting on her mothers lap. We had our lunch and i was chosen to hide the Easter eggs in the yard for Nick and Morgan. Meanwhile, Alyssa and Gavin were napping and missed all the fun. I don't think they are ready for this maybe next year. The kids had allot of fun finding the eggs. Now i am designated every year to hide the eggs. Well our time with the Grelk's was fun, but we still had to see grandma. We went over to grandmas house where i fixed lasagna for supper. Gavin stayed awake most the time we were at grandmas. Grandma was very happy to see Gavin awake. He showed her how he played with his Easter duck in which she gave him as an Easter gift. We watched TV together, ate supper, and Gavin and grandma took a nap together. Grandpa was a little under the weather so he was unable to spend time with Gavin this time. Gavin was able to see him long enough to say I'm here and now I'm leaving. Over all i think Easter was fun. The weather turned out decent, partly cloudy and a little windy, but it could have been way worse. I hope everyone else has made their own memories for Easter of 2009!

fun in iowa

Yesterday, April 10, 2009, we started out the day wanting to look for deer sheds(antlers). We started up the four wheeler and headed for the woods. The creek had gone down so we did some creek riding. It was going great until we ran out of creek to ride and had to find a way out of the creek and up the hill into the woods. Matt found a ravine that went straight up and said this looks like a good spot to climb the hill. Kevin replied, "Why do i go riding with him?" Matt accomplished the hill without getting hurt. Kevin had to find a way up the creek bed and he found a spot which turned out to be too steep. He ended up winching himself up out of the creek. Now its his turn to conquer this ravine. Again he says, "I cant believe I'm doing this!" He makes it up the ravine without any injuries. I walked up the hill with my trusty feet! Then we find an old car, in which, Matt had to drive his wheeler on. He couldn't drive clear over the car because it was so rusted out that the hood was caved in after just one tire landed on it. Of course, Kevin had to try as well. Then we came across the MUD PIT! Where lots of messy, sloppy fun happened. This famous mud pit is basically just a run off from the corn field. It is a way to have fun and get dirty! I wore my good pants because i wasn't even thinking we would end up at the mud pit. I guess i should always prepare in the future. When someone mentions four wheeler, wear old clothes. At least i decided to wear my shit kickin boots. Now let me show you how a women gets down and dirty. You know us girls do like to have fun and we have to show you boys up! The day went from leisurely riding changed into a day in the mud. Who wouldn't have a blast? How 'bout that IOWA FUN!

three months

Gavin is now three months old. He is cooing and making all kinds of sounds as if he is ready to tell me what he thinks. He has figured out his hand. He will hold in front of his face and stare at it while he waves it about. He is progressing very well. The only thing that bothers me, he cant hold his head up while laying on his tummy. This is the only thing that he isn't able to do that he should be doing. I have a play mat that i lay him on and he kicks the ball all over. There are toys dangling above his head as well but he cant quit figure out that he can move them. He does recognize they are there because he talks to them. He is eating first foods by Gerber and also rice cereal mixed with his formula. His favorites are applesauce, bananas, and sweet potatoes. He has tried peas, carrots, pears, and peaches but not as fond of these ones. Gavin wants to see whats going on in the world. Half of the time when you lay him down he fusses because he cant see you or wants to know what you are doing. He hates the sunlight in his eyes but he loves being in the sunlight. I carry him around and show him different things out the different windows of the house. He has so much fun learning new things. Grandma took him and i to Wal-Mart yesterday. She bought him a Easter duck for Easter and he loves it. Last night he was

hugging it,

kissing it,

licking it, chewing on it, and throwing it around. I bought him some wrist rattles and he loves those things as well. One is a chick and one is a cow. Somehow he managed to get the cow off of his wrist and it landed on top of his lil' head. He was just looking at me like, OOPS!

I have definitely enjoyed these last three months. I know that more milestones and lots more fun are on the way. In a way i can not wait to accomplish some of them but in a way i can. When he was first born i could cuddle him all the time but now he doesn't want to cuddle. He would rather play on his own or on our lap with but he would rather have us walk around so he can see the outdoors. I am thankful everyday for my lil' miracle. My life would definitely not be the same now that i know lil' ones are so precious. I couldn't ask for anything better in my life than my GAV-MAN! He motivates me to do better for myself because i know in the future he will thank me since it is not only for me but him as well. Treat others as you would want to be treated!

IF YOU COULD

If you could be somwhere, Where would that somewhere be?
....My somewhere would be on a ranch in the middle of nowhere
If you could change something about yourself, What would that change be?
....My change about myself would be the choices i have made past and present.
If you could love someone, Who would that someone be?
.....My love would go out to the man of my dreams.
If you could do something, What would you do?
.....My doing something consists of what is best for my son.
If you could wish one thing, What would your wish be?
....My wish would be one day i will have happiness and not misery.

canton

Saturday, April 4, 2009, finally the day has arrived. We wake up at 6AM in excitement for an awesome day of wheelin'. One day a year we go down to Canton, MO for a benefit four wheeler ride. The first year we went it was raining and in the middle of the ride lightning was striking all over come to find out there were tornado warnings all over and we were in the middle of the woods. Last year, it was a beautiful March day. Before we even left Wever our water pump went out in the truck which we were using to haul the wheelers down to Canton. I had a feeling that was just the beginning of bad luck for the day. We get a friends truck that was going down as well and hooked up the trailer and now were off to Canton. We arrive down to Canton in enough time to prepare and eat. We start out the ride and its going great until about a mile to two miles into the ride we had to cross a creek and when we did it snap the rear CV shaft. Throughout the whole ride we rode in four wheel drive and i had to walk up most of the damn hills. It turned out fun but just a pain at some points. Which brings us to this year...GORGEOUS! Sunny, half way warm to start out, i just knew it was gonna be a beautiful day. No bad luck before we arrived to Canton except waiting on Terra and Spencer for an hour or longer at Flying J Truck stop. We arrive in just enough time to get the wheelers ready to ride. I had my own wheeler this year and it was so awesome. I was never stuck in the mud but i was tangled on two separate tree roots throughout the ride. Overall i think i did AWESOME, considering it has been almost a whole year since i rode or drove a wheeler. This year was a blast. I do regret waking up the next morning, i felt as if i were beat up and run over!

these are the days to remember

Our days of innocence
Start out very young
Family reaches out for you
When we're unable to reach
A family teaches us right
As well as what is wrong
So as we grow older
The determination grows into choice
These are the days to remember

The days of trouble begin
As we choose our friends
We make mistakes easily
But finding forgiveness is hard
As we find what we call love
Our friends slowly fade away
Our teen years are described as
Shame, Guilt, and a loss of confidence
These are the days to remember

The importance of responsibility
Is found before maturity sets in
As our regrets still haunt us
Family continually stand up for us
When love knocks us down
Our new friends will watch our back
All throughout our young adult lives
We continue to make all kinds of choices
These are the days to remember

first night away from mom and dad

Sunday, March 29, 2009, Gavins second night away all night long but this was different, NO mom or dad! Aunt Brooke, Grandma, and Jaymee took him to Wal-Mart where Brooke found out how much a baby can poop. They also took him out to eat at Jerry's even though he is still too little to enjoy the best pizza in SE Iowa. I don't know of all of their adventures together but I know they all had fun. Except for Grandma when she was awakened at 2:30 in the morning.

true love

Have you ever loved someone and they never knew? Have you ever told them after many years? It is hard for me to move on. I have been in love with only one person in my entire life. I have loved but its never true. My heart is with one person alone. I thought in the past i was over him and he was just a middle school crush but it so more than that. I finally told him how i truly feel. It was awkward but its done. The secret has been locked in my heart, soul, and mind for too long. He was rather surprised. He never even knew. I am good at keeping secrets! Although, I don't think this is a good thing. I have always dreamed of getting married but when it comes down to it, I cant. I know we shouldn't live in the past but i cant let go. I feel so empty even though i have someone. I know something is missing and it will always be missing. I have searched throughout the years to find the same thing that he gave me in the past. My results don't ever compare. My fear is that i will never get over it and wont ever move on. If i could redo anything in my life, it would be where i let him go. My heart aches for those feelings. Love, respect, feeling good about who you are, and Happiness. The laughing, smiling, fun, being yourself kind of happiness. Will i ever find it with out my true love? I may seem obsessed with this guy but if someone made you feel the way he makes me feel, to this day, you would want it as well. I seem as if we are back in school at the football game where we first met. I remember this bear he gave me with a ruby heart necklace around the bears neck. I remember lying on his trampoline late at night. We held each other close while gazing at the stars. I remember when i left my shoes by the door so his mother knew i spent the night because of my damn shoes. I remember going to his grandmas house for Christmas, i believe, and his mother introducing me as her future daughter in law. I really took this to heart. I love his family. I'm not sure over the years if they still love me but they did then and i think that's all that matters. In my heart and in my mind anyways. I remember when i would go to his house in Wayland and stay there all day until i absolutely had to go home. Early mornings and late nights. These are the days to remember. I remember the times he would come to his grandmas to visit and i would do anything to make sure i was there to see him. He would always cook me something no matter what time it was. I remember the times he would try to teach me how to shoot pool. I knew what he was saying but i just didn't have the patience to do it his way. Id just shoot at whatever ball was close to the pocket in hopes it would go in. I remember when we went to the park, it was cold and had rained. I went down the slide because i thought it would be fun and my butt was soaked. I remember when i invited him to Tri-State Rodeo and my aunt made him sleep outside next to the fire. I felt so bad and still do to this day. There are many other memories i have shared with him but i think these are the ones which stick out the most. I remember when he asked me, if i move to Illinois will you wait for me? I replied, YES! Well i told him as well, i am still waiting. There is a hole in my life and he is the missing link.

first sleep over

It is Wednesday, March 25, 2009. Gavins first sleep over and we are staying at grandmas awaiting brookes flight in to des moines on Thursday. We watched a movie, had supper, and kept grandma awake most of the night. Overall it was fun and Gavin did great.

road trip

Yesterday, Mom, Matt, Gavin, and I all set out on a mission. We are picking Brooke and Jaymee up from Des Moines Airport and anticipating her reaction to Gavin.

Mom welcomed her and she ran passed me because gavin must be more important.

I am so glad Brooke is finally able to spend time with him after 11 weeks. Our trip back from the airport consisted of story telling, gossiping, laughing, and more laughing. It was fun and exhausting all in one.

snowbull 2009

Wow, what an AWESOME year! These cowboys put on a great show well with the help of the bulls of course. One that you had to stay and watch every single ride. Whether you were dying of thirst or about to pee your pants, your eyes stayed on the arena floor. I had a blast and i dont think i will ever, unless by chance i get to go to PBR, see another show like this again. Thursday was fun, Friday was better, and Saturday freakin' awesome! They saved the best bulls for Saturday night and they were rank! The cowboys put there best show on as well. Cowboys were coming off the bulls as if they were in the olympics. It was so weird. They werent just falling off as they normally would. One leg would cross over and they would do back flips, front flips, and 180s. A cowboy from Fort Madison came off in front of the bull and he literally tore his pants right off his body. The bull fighters were awesome as well. They are always right there when the cowboy falls. I remember a couple of them getting tossed like a chicken salad. The best ride of the night was the champion of the BOA events. He rode his bull but right before the buzzer went off he was slipping and the bull was trying to get him. He made it to the fence and as he jumped on the fence the bull picked him up and tossed him. He was still hanging on so basically he did a hand stand right in front of us. I thought I was gonna catch me a cowboy. Through all this he didnt even know if he made the 8 seconds. All the sudden the score came in and the crowd went WILD....84 POINTS!

Then we went to the after party at Fun City. You would think that the after party would consist of drinking and dancing. Well not for these cowboys! Matt and our friend Leon as well as a few of our other friends decided to go racing! We spent an hour just waiting for them to race their stupid go carts. I just wanted to jam to music and have a couple drinks and they were more concerned with getting in a 7 car pile up! Now that was worth seeing. They all ended up in a mangled heap in the back stretch. I know there had to be a way for some of them to go around but purposly ran into whoever they could get tangled with. So it was boring while we waited on them to have their turn but while watching them it was pretty fun! It was worth it.

Finally, we get to the actual after party. It consists of music, cowboys, cowgirls, and BEER! I know there were fakes there like ones who wore button up shirts from the Buckle with jean skirts and flip flops or fake cowboy boots from Vanity. I know there were wanna be cowboys there as well, like PUSS! As for us we know how to ride whether it be horses or bulls and we know how to drink whether it be beer, Jack and coke, or snowcones. As for Matt, I bet you could guess what he drinks! Well if you said Jack and Coke you are right. So, he has Jack and Coke and i had to do something so held onto my drink which is a snowcone. For some weird reason he decided to mix whiskey with sugar. This was the outcome. The sad thing is he convinced Leon to do it as well! Even after seeing his reaction to this discusting mixture.

It was a fun night out and the first time out since Gavin was born. A nice little getaway for a evening. We saw some bulls, sang out the window to people we drove by, got stuck on an elevator, raced some cars, drank some alcoholic beverages, and most importanly to me...DANCED! Matt took me out and we had some slow dancing time. It was fun. The one that meant the most to me was my absolute favorite song of all time...I Cross My Heart by Goerge Straight.

And yes, I am feeling perty good! I am happy and well tipsy. What a good time and I cant wait to have some more fun.

Gavins second month

Gavin had two different stomache bugs in the last month. A good look at the last stomache bug was he figured out the taste of pedialyte. Once we gave him the pedialyte he wasnt willing to go back to the formula. I think he had a sugar high because he wouldnt sleep for more than 15 minutes at a time. Though he was vomiting quite a bit it did not stop his gaining weight. He is now close to 11 pounds! This week he went into his 0-3 outfits. I informed him he was OLD news due to the fact that he is no longer in newborn outfits. I apparently I made him a bit angry becuase he started telling me off in his little baby language. Throwing his arms, kicking his legs, and mumbling those angry infant words. Well he got over it real quick after i told him that he was growing up to be a big boy. We went to see Dr. Atkins this past month. She had some reassuring news. He may not have Long QT Syndrome. She said it may be a phase that she has seen many times before. I am having a genetic test done the end of this month and they will find his gene to test it. They will be able to come up with some solid answers to the future. We are crossing our fingers that it is the phase and not the Syndrome. Although his medicine was increased because his ekg wasnt to par. She told us that the medicine would not hurt him if in the long run he never had the QT. For now it is better to be safe than sorry.A week later we took him in to get his 8 weeks shots. Gavin is amazing when it comes to needles. He screams the instant he is poked and then afterwards acts like nothing even happened. He whined for a bit after all three of his shots but he drank a bottle and went right to sleep. We arrived home and gave him tylonol as needed throughout the next 48 hours for his fever. He is way more content with pain than i could ever be that is for sure! He has really learned how to talk in just the last couple weeks. There isnt any distinquished words yet as far as matt is concerned but I still think he says MA MA. He kicks and throws his arms about like maybe hes beating someone up or trying to runaway from home. Im not too sure what he trying to do but sometimes its amusing. He has definately found his hands to his mouth. He learned to suck on his hand, get it full of drool and wipe it all over his face. After soaking his face with his own drool we go to kiss him and we get his drool on our face. I have cought him smiling and giggling over it a time or two! As far as normality goes he is doing great. I thank God everyday because it could be alot worse than what were dealing with now. The stomache flu may be hard for the time being but its better than hospitilizations and the minor heart issues are very mild. Just think Before we know it he will be out in the woods hunting for his first buck. He already admires Matts first buck hanging on the wall. I told him one day soon you will get your very own. Matt thinks he will get one bigger than his and if he does i will be so proud. It will be mounted right next to daddys trophy buck. Its not the size, it is the effort and fun you put into it.

gavin's first month

gavin came home six days after he was born. it was hard on me not to bring him home when i was able to come home. matt and i came home for a night to get a good nights rest then went back up to iowa city and stayed until he was able to come home with us. the day he came home it was only in the single digits and it was snowy/icy on the highways. i really didnt care if it took us five hours to get him home, we were taking him home with us!


we arrived safely home about 3 hours later! he slept from the time we left the hospital until we arrived at his new home in burlington. when we took him out of his car seat was the time all hell broke loose. he was hungry, wet, and in an unfamiliar place. we finally took care of all his needs and soon he was back to sleep in his basinett. the first night was hell! he was awake every hour on the hour!


first full day home, we spent lots of time with daddy! well, mostly nap time.


gavin after he had seen the doctor. he weighed six pounds thirteen ounces! this was his first outing since he came home from the hospital the week prior.

were going on our first out of town adventure to...MT PLEASANT! ok, so its not a big deal but at least he was able to leave finally burlington for awhile. and on our adventure we found....


BETTY SCOTT! she purchased a hawkeyes outfit for gavin! she told us because he was born in iowa city he had to have a hawkeyes outfit! we had a nice visit at betty's house. she enjoyed seeing gavin for the first time. grandma has sent betty plenty of photos but this was the first time she was able to indulge the real deal. later the same day we had another appointment where gavin was weighed and he was seven pounds eleven ounces!

on february 8 it was one month since he was born, and we went to see grandma. we all know, its always fun going to grandma. grandpa held him for a little while but he started getting squirmy so he made me take him back. grandpa is still a little nervous with how little and fragile he is. he sure does love telling him fishing stories! he cant wait to take him fishing but he said that there was going to be no diaper bag involved! he is so funny!

thursday, february 12, gavin was having bowel problems which led into vomiting so we took him to the doctor to make sure it wasnt something serious. they found a little stomache virus in his white blood cells but it wasnt anything to major to worry about. when we were there they weighed him and he is now NINE pounds and half an ounce! gavin is growng like a weed! well for a first time parent i am doing great! i love motherhood!

used and alone

i am exhausted beyond beleif. i ask for help but no one seems to care. i enjoy doing things myself but theres a time when i have to have help and thats when no one is found. i am up throughout the night and am expected to be up in wee morning hours as well. i never have any energy to do things for myself. everyone makes me do things they need done. when will this end? i love my son dearly but i cant do it all on my own. he must think i am a super mom and dont need any sleep. i want gavin in my arms all the time but i just cant spoil him like that. i am not a selfish person though many think i am. i would rather see everyone else happy and pleased, and this is why i have an attitude because theres nothing left for me. if they didnt have me around for a week they would understand what they never had to do. i would love to be happy and go have a good time with friends, if i had any, or family. when i have money its spent on everyone and i save myself for last. i need new clothes but i buy what they want instead of my needs. my feelings are never heard or at least never a concern. i just get trampled on over and over again. matt wonders why i have no friends, its not my attitude, its how they treat me. i talk to people that he knows i talk with my old friends but no one takes the step to do what they say. they mention going to hang but i never get called instead i am in the back row listening to how much fun they all had. it seems they are all against me, if they knew my inner self they would want me to join them. i have been stabbed too many times to just trust everyone i interact with. my heart has been broken and feels that it remains this way. matt shows little respect for me sometimes and it just hurts. he expects me to be around his mother that trampled me more than once. he doesnt understand or just thinks its funny, im not quite for sure. all he is good at is using people and making them feel of unimportance. oh, that sounds just like APRIL! i want so badly not to feel like everyones doormat, but i dont know if i will ever know what human feels like. i may not say nice things about people. i am nice to them but dont let them think i am their best friend and stab them in the back. i tell people what i think, it may take a lil bit but after it churns inside for so long i just cant help but to be brutally honest. no one even gives me a chance. i have made so many friends in the past but they never lasted more than three months before they were using me or stabbed me in the back. this is why i have given up and i am glad to be a loner sometimes. the only one i have here for me is matt, and half the time when i need him hes out with friends or doing who knows what.

gavin hunter marshall

January 8th, i had an appointment with high risk ob. it was just a checkup becuase my last month and a half baby had a low heart rate. we had to go in every week to get a biophysical profile(bpp), a non stress test(nst), and meet with the doctors after the tests to go over the results. if they didnt like the results then they would send me up to labor and delivery for further monitering. i spent a few days/nights in labor and delivery because babys heart rate needed monitering. the bpp has eight points that baby has to pass in a half hours time and the nst is an hour of monitering the babys heart rate. so, we went in at 10am for my bpp after half hour the nurse went to talk to the doctor about what she saw. they come in and tell us we have to go up to labor and delivery because he didnt pass two out of eight points. they didnt see baby move or see him breathe in the whole half hour. i told matt that it was just going to be another 3 hours of pointless monitering. i called my mother to tell her what was going on. so in hope they would take the baby she would have someone lined up to work her shift. we went to labor and delivery i was hooked up as usual to the machines and they were talking like theyve never talked before. i knew something was gonna happen. here come the doctors, how do you feel about a csection?

i looked at matt and said were having our son, TODAY! this is when antisipation really started. i thought i wanted him out of the womb a month prior, well, now i was really anxious. so this is the last time you see me with a big belly! i was prepped for surgery. the surgery was scheduled at 2pm that afternoon. i called my mom back and told her were doing a csection at 2pm. by the time i went in for surgery i was blessed with my mom, matts dad, matts grandmother, and jen on her way. i had talked to my father, my sister, and my nieces via cell phone to let them know what we were doing. my dads reaction was the best, "well he wont be able to go fishing this summer." 2pm finally arrived and we were off to surgery. i went in to get prepped for the real deal. matt was unable to be in the room while they gave the spinal block but he arrived to the surgery room right when they started the incision. he was able to watch the whole procedure. his reaction was, " its just like gutting a deer!" at 2:37 i heard a cry of despiration, it was my son!

matt was able to see him before they took him away to check him over, but i only seen him for ten seconds. i was taken to my room and after matt and the family seen where i was they went to see gavin. he was taken to nicu due low blood count and low heart rate. i was unable to see him for almost twelve hours because the spinal block made me sick to my stomache.

finally, i was able to hold him! i wasnt able to sleep all night because i was so anxious to see my son. it was a very touching moment though i am emotional i didnt cry. my eyes are red because of the spinal block.