gavin's first month

gavin came home six days after he was born. it was hard on me not to bring him home when i was able to come home. matt and i came home for a night to get a good nights rest then went back up to iowa city and stayed until he was able to come home with us. the day he came home it was only in the single digits and it was snowy/icy on the highways. i really didnt care if it took us five hours to get him home, we were taking him home with us!


we arrived safely home about 3 hours later! he slept from the time we left the hospital until we arrived at his new home in burlington. when we took him out of his car seat was the time all hell broke loose. he was hungry, wet, and in an unfamiliar place. we finally took care of all his needs and soon he was back to sleep in his basinett. the first night was hell! he was awake every hour on the hour!


first full day home, we spent lots of time with daddy! well, mostly nap time.


gavin after he had seen the doctor. he weighed six pounds thirteen ounces! this was his first outing since he came home from the hospital the week prior.

were going on our first out of town adventure to...MT PLEASANT! ok, so its not a big deal but at least he was able to leave finally burlington for awhile. and on our adventure we found....


BETTY SCOTT! she purchased a hawkeyes outfit for gavin! she told us because he was born in iowa city he had to have a hawkeyes outfit! we had a nice visit at betty's house. she enjoyed seeing gavin for the first time. grandma has sent betty plenty of photos but this was the first time she was able to indulge the real deal. later the same day we had another appointment where gavin was weighed and he was seven pounds eleven ounces!

on february 8 it was one month since he was born, and we went to see grandma. we all know, its always fun going to grandma. grandpa held him for a little while but he started getting squirmy so he made me take him back. grandpa is still a little nervous with how little and fragile he is. he sure does love telling him fishing stories! he cant wait to take him fishing but he said that there was going to be no diaper bag involved! he is so funny!

thursday, february 12, gavin was having bowel problems which led into vomiting so we took him to the doctor to make sure it wasnt something serious. they found a little stomache virus in his white blood cells but it wasnt anything to major to worry about. when we were there they weighed him and he is now NINE pounds and half an ounce! gavin is growng like a weed! well for a first time parent i am doing great! i love motherhood!

used and alone

i am exhausted beyond beleif. i ask for help but no one seems to care. i enjoy doing things myself but theres a time when i have to have help and thats when no one is found. i am up throughout the night and am expected to be up in wee morning hours as well. i never have any energy to do things for myself. everyone makes me do things they need done. when will this end? i love my son dearly but i cant do it all on my own. he must think i am a super mom and dont need any sleep. i want gavin in my arms all the time but i just cant spoil him like that. i am not a selfish person though many think i am. i would rather see everyone else happy and pleased, and this is why i have an attitude because theres nothing left for me. if they didnt have me around for a week they would understand what they never had to do. i would love to be happy and go have a good time with friends, if i had any, or family. when i have money its spent on everyone and i save myself for last. i need new clothes but i buy what they want instead of my needs. my feelings are never heard or at least never a concern. i just get trampled on over and over again. matt wonders why i have no friends, its not my attitude, its how they treat me. i talk to people that he knows i talk with my old friends but no one takes the step to do what they say. they mention going to hang but i never get called instead i am in the back row listening to how much fun they all had. it seems they are all against me, if they knew my inner self they would want me to join them. i have been stabbed too many times to just trust everyone i interact with. my heart has been broken and feels that it remains this way. matt shows little respect for me sometimes and it just hurts. he expects me to be around his mother that trampled me more than once. he doesnt understand or just thinks its funny, im not quite for sure. all he is good at is using people and making them feel of unimportance. oh, that sounds just like APRIL! i want so badly not to feel like everyones doormat, but i dont know if i will ever know what human feels like. i may not say nice things about people. i am nice to them but dont let them think i am their best friend and stab them in the back. i tell people what i think, it may take a lil bit but after it churns inside for so long i just cant help but to be brutally honest. no one even gives me a chance. i have made so many friends in the past but they never lasted more than three months before they were using me or stabbed me in the back. this is why i have given up and i am glad to be a loner sometimes. the only one i have here for me is matt, and half the time when i need him hes out with friends or doing who knows what.

gavin hunter marshall

January 8th, i had an appointment with high risk ob. it was just a checkup becuase my last month and a half baby had a low heart rate. we had to go in every week to get a biophysical profile(bpp), a non stress test(nst), and meet with the doctors after the tests to go over the results. if they didnt like the results then they would send me up to labor and delivery for further monitering. i spent a few days/nights in labor and delivery because babys heart rate needed monitering. the bpp has eight points that baby has to pass in a half hours time and the nst is an hour of monitering the babys heart rate. so, we went in at 10am for my bpp after half hour the nurse went to talk to the doctor about what she saw. they come in and tell us we have to go up to labor and delivery because he didnt pass two out of eight points. they didnt see baby move or see him breathe in the whole half hour. i told matt that it was just going to be another 3 hours of pointless monitering. i called my mother to tell her what was going on. so in hope they would take the baby she would have someone lined up to work her shift. we went to labor and delivery i was hooked up as usual to the machines and they were talking like theyve never talked before. i knew something was gonna happen. here come the doctors, how do you feel about a csection?

i looked at matt and said were having our son, TODAY! this is when antisipation really started. i thought i wanted him out of the womb a month prior, well, now i was really anxious. so this is the last time you see me with a big belly! i was prepped for surgery. the surgery was scheduled at 2pm that afternoon. i called my mom back and told her were doing a csection at 2pm. by the time i went in for surgery i was blessed with my mom, matts dad, matts grandmother, and jen on her way. i had talked to my father, my sister, and my nieces via cell phone to let them know what we were doing. my dads reaction was the best, "well he wont be able to go fishing this summer." 2pm finally arrived and we were off to surgery. i went in to get prepped for the real deal. matt was unable to be in the room while they gave the spinal block but he arrived to the surgery room right when they started the incision. he was able to watch the whole procedure. his reaction was, " its just like gutting a deer!" at 2:37 i heard a cry of despiration, it was my son!

matt was able to see him before they took him away to check him over, but i only seen him for ten seconds. i was taken to my room and after matt and the family seen where i was they went to see gavin. he was taken to nicu due low blood count and low heart rate. i was unable to see him for almost twelve hours because the spinal block made me sick to my stomache.

finally, i was able to hold him! i wasnt able to sleep all night because i was so anxious to see my son. it was a very touching moment though i am emotional i didnt cry. my eyes are red because of the spinal block.