true love

Have you ever loved someone and they never knew? Have you ever told them after many years? It is hard for me to move on. I have been in love with only one person in my entire life. I have loved but its never true. My heart is with one person alone. I thought in the past i was over him and he was just a middle school crush but it so more than that. I finally told him how i truly feel. It was awkward but its done. The secret has been locked in my heart, soul, and mind for too long. He was rather surprised. He never even knew. I am good at keeping secrets! Although, I don't think this is a good thing. I have always dreamed of getting married but when it comes down to it, I cant. I know we shouldn't live in the past but i cant let go. I feel so empty even though i have someone. I know something is missing and it will always be missing. I have searched throughout the years to find the same thing that he gave me in the past. My results don't ever compare. My fear is that i will never get over it and wont ever move on. If i could redo anything in my life, it would be where i let him go. My heart aches for those feelings. Love, respect, feeling good about who you are, and Happiness. The laughing, smiling, fun, being yourself kind of happiness. Will i ever find it with out my true love? I may seem obsessed with this guy but if someone made you feel the way he makes me feel, to this day, you would want it as well. I seem as if we are back in school at the football game where we first met. I remember this bear he gave me with a ruby heart necklace around the bears neck. I remember lying on his trampoline late at night. We held each other close while gazing at the stars. I remember when i left my shoes by the door so his mother knew i spent the night because of my damn shoes. I remember going to his grandmas house for Christmas, i believe, and his mother introducing me as her future daughter in law. I really took this to heart. I love his family. I'm not sure over the years if they still love me but they did then and i think that's all that matters. In my heart and in my mind anyways. I remember when i would go to his house in Wayland and stay there all day until i absolutely had to go home. Early mornings and late nights. These are the days to remember. I remember the times he would come to his grandmas to visit and i would do anything to make sure i was there to see him. He would always cook me something no matter what time it was. I remember the times he would try to teach me how to shoot pool. I knew what he was saying but i just didn't have the patience to do it his way. Id just shoot at whatever ball was close to the pocket in hopes it would go in. I remember when we went to the park, it was cold and had rained. I went down the slide because i thought it would be fun and my butt was soaked. I remember when i invited him to Tri-State Rodeo and my aunt made him sleep outside next to the fire. I felt so bad and still do to this day. There are many other memories i have shared with him but i think these are the ones which stick out the most. I remember when he asked me, if i move to Illinois will you wait for me? I replied, YES! Well i told him as well, i am still waiting. There is a hole in my life and he is the missing link.